


Reckless Longing

by Emirael



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Sibling Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-02-25
Packaged: 2018-01-13 19:21:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1238023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emirael/pseuds/Emirael
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anna devises a plan to see Elsa, just a little bit, that puts herself at risk. Mild TW for self harm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reckless Longing

The first time was an accident, really. Anna had been sliding down the hall when her sock had snagged on something right before she went past Elsa’s door. The moment of overbalance, her torso moving forward as her feet remained behind for the second necessary to result in a trip. Anna had wheeled her arms about and caught herself in an awkward, bumpy somersault that landed her flat on her back as her feet thumped the ground.

“Owwwww,” she moaned, rubbing her head. Touching her hair, she realized that one of her pigtails had come undone. She was looking around for the hair tie when she saw it: the shadow under Elsa’s door.

Her eyes widened. “Elsa?” she whispered.

The shadow shifted, but didn’t say anything. From her place on the floor, she could see the tips of Elsa’s shoes.

Then the shoes moved away and the shadow retreated. Anna wanted to scream from frustration, but slammed her feet against the carpet instead. It wasn’t fair!

The loud thump echoed down the hallway, and through the floor Anna thought she could hear someone below her ask what the sound had been. Most importantly, however, she saw the shadow return for just a moment, and a glimpse of Elsa’s shoes.

And a quiet voice: “Are you okay, Anna?”

In her six years of life, Anna had never been faced with such a moral dilemma: tell Elsa the truth (she was a bit sore, but fine) or lie and maybe lure her sister outside of her room.

She deliberated long enough that she saw Elsa shift her feet, as if uncertain. “Anna?” she asked again. It was so wonderful to hear her sister’s voice.

But she couldn’t lie. Then Elsa would just be more upset with her and would never come out ever ever. She sighed. “I fell down, but I’m okay.”

Elsa didn’t answer for a long pause, and Anna just watched her shoes, waiting for them to move her sister away from her. After what felt like forever, she heard her sister’s voice, even quieter than before. “Okay.”

She stayed on the floor until Elsa moved away from the door, and lay there until one of the servants threw a fit and insisted that princesses oughtn’t to be lazing around on the ground.

It didn’t matter though, because she’d made contact. It had felt so nice just to hear her sister say her name, and as she walked down the hall to the room they used to share, Anna’s head spun with plans to hear her again.

*

At first every small bump would bring her sister’s shadow. Anna would trip, or let the floor slide out from under her, or bring all her schoolbooks and drop them. Elsa instantly came running, asking if Anna was okay, and even if it was a conversation through the door to Elsa’s shoes, it was aconversation.

Then she did it one time by accident when her parents had been visiting Elsa in the room. She’d been staring at the gap at the bottom of the door, waiting for the shoes to appear, for Elsa to ask if she were okay, when suddenly the door opened.

Anna had looked up with marvel, expecting that her latest plot had finally coaxed her sister from her room. Instead she saw her parents’ concerned faces, which quickly turned to disapproval when they got her to tell them what she’d been doing.

The next time she dropped all her books outside the door, Elsa’s shadow didn’t come close at all, and when her parents found her carrying a bigger stack of books from the library, she was grounded for a week.

That had seemed dumb to her. What was the point of grounding someone who couldn’t do anything anyway.

*

Then she was seven and had realized the flaws of her old plan: Elsa had become used to the falling sounds she’d made before and realized that they were just a trick. To get her sister to come to the door again and ask if she was okay, Anna needed to make it really convincing, to do something different so Elsa really believed that something had happened outside.

Maybe that would draw her out.

Of course, she needed to do this when her parents were busy being king and queen and when the servants were busy with their jobs, or she’d get into trouble.

So she waited and played around the castle until the perfect opportunity presented itself the next month.

The royal delegation from England had been very nice when Anna met them that afternoon in her pretty dress. She’d even seen Elsa, and had managed not to stare as they curtsied and pretended to be normal princesses who lived normal lives. For the evening, Elsa had retreated to her room and Anna had been told to stay out of the way for the big grown-up ball thing.

On another occasion, Anna would have snuck to a hiding spot to watch the people dance, but she had other plans for tonight. Thankfully, the servants hadn’t noticed her sneaking her bike up to her room because they were so busy with the whole England thing.

When the party was well underway, she prepped her bike at the end of the hall, then set a stolen brick from the courtyard right before Elsa’s door. Right before her bike hit the brick, she would jump up and off of it. The landing would be a bit hard, but it would make all the right noises as the bike crashed itself.

Elsa would have to think something happened, and then Anna could talk to her again.

Riding their two-person bike alone down the hall, Anna felt exhilarated until she remembered how much more fun it was to ride it with Elsa. She glanced at the door and jumped too late, which is to say she didn’t jump, really.

The bike hit the brick hard and flipped over her. Anna screamed as she put out her hands to catch herself and landed on her wrist. The bike pedals caught and ripped her stockings as they cut her legs. As her head struck the floor, Anna’s vision went dark for a moment, and then it was over. The bike lay somewhere a bit farther down the hall, the brick was father back, and Anna just curled around her wrist and cried as her leg bled on the carpet.

She didn’t even bother to say Elsa’s name.

Every time she shifted her wrist, stabs of pain lanced up her arm and she just cried harder. Forcing open her eyes, she saw the moment when the door opened.

“Anna?” Elsa had changed out of her pretty dress from before, but looked no less wonderful. “Anna, what happened?”

“I just-just wanted y-you to—” she couldn’t help a fresh burst of crying as she moved her wrist again.

Elsa looked pained as she knelt down beside her. “I think your wrist is broken,” she said. “May I touch it?”

Anna flinched back. “It h-hurts, Elsa!”

Elsa gently laid a hand on her wrist and Anna was surprised by how cool her sister’s hands were. They seemed colder than was natural or possible, but the sensation was undeniably relieving for her wrist, and she felt her crying subside.

“Is this helping?” Elsa asked.

Anna nodded. “Your hands feel really nice.”

A hollow smile crossed her sister’s face. “Thank you.” She paused, then continued. “What… what were you doing? Why is there a brick in the hallway, and why were you riding your bike during the party?”

Anna looked down, embarrassed. She decided to tell the truth. She couldn’t imagine lying to Elsa. “I… I wanted to make a big wreck outside your room so you would hear it and come out.” She sniffed. “I was gonna jump off the bike before it hit the brick, but I didn’t do it right…”

Tears glistened at the edges of her sister’s eyes. “Oh, Anna. I-I’m so sorry. Please never put yourself in danger like this again though. Please.”

“But how else will I hear your voice?”

Elsa looked torn for a moment, and Anna worried she’d hurt her sister. She wished so badly she could take back the words that made her sister so sad, but she also knew that she meant them, that she needed to express that fear to her sister. Elsa was the one who told her that princesses could be afraid and that was okay too.

Ice-blue eyes met hers with a gravity that only someone who was ten years old could manage. They were such a different kind of cold than the soothing touch of her sister’s hands on her wrist. “Anna, I’m sorry, but I need you to promise me that you will never do something like this again for my attention. You are worth so much more than that, and you could really hurt yourself.”

Anna wanted to cry, she wanted to scream. She wanted her wrist to stop hurting, but some part of her said that the pain was absolutely worth it, because here was Elsa talking to her, touching her. Any pain on her part was worth it just to have whatever time Elsa would give her.

But Elsa had asked her for a promise, and she couldn’t deny her sister asking her for something (asking her for something!) even if it meant giving up Elsa herself. “I promise,” she said. And in an instant, she regretted it, but she could never lie to her sister.

**Author's Note:**

> As tragic as their relationship was, the kind of codependence that could develop from their childhood can be really poisonous. To both of them. No, this isn’t happy. I’m sorry guys.


End file.
